A lot of people find barriers when trying to be more social. Here is a way to find new friends and become more sociable.

In his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, Dale Carnegie explains a study he conducted for many years, and reveal the ways to influence people and find friends. When you try to become more social, the key is developing your persuasion skills. People who are not persuasive, tend to follow the crowd, or become lonely. In this article, I will explain the ideas of Dale Carnegie and how you can use them today.

Idea 1: Building Personal Relationships to Find Friends

- Never criticize, condemn or complain.
Even though many people tend to criticize to have something to talk about, you will find more enemies by doing this. Remember that a person who applies self-criticism is extremely rare. Therefore, your criticism won’t be welcome. Also, criticism makes others defensive and resentful. So you need to change your life, by applying more positive reinforcement when you talk to someone, this means, saying good things about people.

- Become genuinely interested in other people.
Something we don’t want to add me, but it is true, it is that people are most interested in themselves. So a great tip to become interested in others, it is to remember people’s birthdays and other important details.

- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Instead of talking about you, try to make talk from what others want to say. Find the interests of others and talk about those things. If you know nothing of their interests, ask intelligent questions. Remember, don’t ask how is the weather!

- Be a good listener.
To be a good listener, means to have your full attention to the other person. Urge others to talk about themselves. Ask pointed questions and think about what they are saying.

- Make the other person feel important.
People yearn to feel important and appreciated. A great strategy is to praise others’ strengths. They will feel very comfortable with you.

- Use Names whenever possible.
A great strategy it be to remember names, is to repeat them when you are introduced to another person. For example, when someone tells you, “my name is Jerry”, instead of saying “my name is Joanna”, say “hello Jerry, I am Joanna”. Change your life and force yourself to do this, and it will become a habit.

- Smile.
Smile can open the doors for you. Greet others with smiles and enthusiasm. Smiling comes through even over the phone.

Idea 2: Selling your Ideas: Establish a Space for Cooperation and Find Friends

- Avoid arguments: you can only lose.
Arguing is not communicating. It is defending one’s idea and embracing it, even when you are wrong. Remember, even “winning” will hurt the loser’s pride and build resentment.

- A Guide to avoiding arguments:
1. Welcome the disagreement. Be thankful for a new opinion.
2. Stay calm.
3. Listen first. Hear your opponents out.
4. Identify areas of agreement.
5. Admitting errors will make it easier for others to admit theirs.
6. If no resolution is found, postpone action and promise to explore the opposing perspective.

- Begin in a friendly way.
When you open a conversation,do it with sincere praise, appreciation and sympathy.A friendly tone will allow others to broach discussions more openly.

- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
When you eagerly listen to concerns, you are actually diffusing tension and build relationships.Others need to finish spilling their ideas before listening to you.

- Build sympathy.
Sympathy means you feel what the other person is telling, and you actually with them. Most people hunger for sympathy.Tell them: “I’d feel the same way under those circumstances.”

- Respect others’ opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
People don’t like to admit they’re wrong and may take it personally. So instead of looking for the negative, tried to develop a positive approach.

- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
To change the way you are a social, demonstrate your willingness to rationally examine the facts. For example, if another is about to criticize you, don’t let them start! Admitting errors clears guilt and everyone to move forward quickly.

- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Another’s perspective and motivation is the key to understanding their decisions, agenda and personality. In this process, you are developing empathy, and it will help you all the way in your change your life process.

Idea 3: Selling your Ideas And Finding Friends

- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” as soon as possible.
To get more persuasive in the social arena, emphasize things all parties already agree on.You will build momentum toward acceptance.

- Dramatize your ideas.
When you express yourself with physical movements, tone of voice and face gestures, you’re building your idea. It helps to make a visual, visceral demonstration.

- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
People are more committed to their own ideas.therefore, make suggestions and let others come to the desired conclusion.

- Throw down a challenge.
For example, and to work stimulate competition among co-workers.
Challenge someone’s capabilities/self-perceptions.

By working this ideas at work, school or clubs, will help you have more friends. Remember, to find friends, you need to develop persuassion skills. It is not about being cool. It is about being persuasive. To read the second part of “Change your life, become leader“,  click here.

image credit: tm_lv

About the Author

Anton Cela is a self development author and consultant. Phillip Cela is a recognized university teacher and speaker on motivation, leadership and self help. Find more about their work on “The Change Your Life Phenomenon”, a world-wide-movement to help people change their lifes at Change Your Life Phenomenon.com You can send us an email or follow “The CHYL Phenomenon” on Twitter.